Breaking news: The Pope has broken his right wrist.
Vatican officials are saying The Pope is alright, but will be forced to wank off little boys with his less-favoured left hand.
Senior Vatican Cardinal Alfonso "Hitler" Cardocci said (in a stereotypical Italian accent), "His Holiness, he donta lika to touch the small boys penis with hisa left hand. He finda he cannot get a gooda grip like he can with hisa right."
Local children are said to be "rejoicing" as their small penis' are safe for 6-8 weeks.
Local urchin Filtho Scabbo had this to say; "The Pope, he is always touching the street kids when he does his rounds through Roma. It makes me sad. My parents, they divorced because I was fiddled with by Il Papa."
Child molestation cases are nothing new in the Catholic Church. To date, 445,000 priests, nuns, Cardinals, bishops and organ players have been charged with crimes against children, and victims have received over £125 trillion in "hugh money".
Of course, the Catholic Church has plenty of money, because all their followers believe they can buy their way into Heaven by giving cash to the Church.
This is completely wrong, because as everyone knows, the only way to get to Heaven is to have sex with your Mum.
Look out kids, I am coming to touch you!
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