Another year has been and gone, and what do I have to show for it?
To begin with, I have some new jeans, a new hat, and I read a few FHM's. I gained some 'Pirate Gold' by stealing it from children dressed as pirates (who I suspect were secretly planning my downfall) and I read all 3 His Dark Materials books (highly recommended).
2008 started well enough.
New Years was spent in Edinburgh, which is sometimes called Athens of the North, and also sometimes called Edinbvrgh (those crazy old timey people used to use V's as U's - morons).
Hogmanay was superb - never have 100,000 people gathered in one place with so little trouble. Someone I know peed in a bottle (no toilets) and then tried (in vain) to persuade others to drink it. Haha, if only it had worked.....
I suppose with every New Year arrives so full of promise, and hope.
But generally by February, that all goes down the toilet and we all end up anxiously counting the days until Christmas. (It's like 348 or something).
But not this year! OH NO!
I have devised a list of things I don't want to see happen in 2008. Join me if you will, as I count them down!
(I started with 10 but might get lazy in the last quarter, so stick it up your ass if you don't like it!)
THINGS I DON'T WANT TO SEE HAPPEN IN 2008 ™
10) Michael Jackson performing live. I read today he might be coming to London for 30 gigs, and may be getting as much as £30m!
That's a lot of money! I could sing, touch children, make Jesus Juice, touch more children and generally fritter away my millions for far less than that.
You hear me music promoters! I'll do it for £10k/night (plus 6 fresh children nightly)
9) World Peace. That's right. Unlike that sellout-sunglasses wearing-smelly-greasy twat Bono (that's right, I despise Bono!) I want wars to continue.
Now I don't much like the idea of families losing their sons/daughters/undead babies in wars, but in the bigger picture, we need war.
Why you may ask? Well, first of all if we had no wars, we'd have no guns.
Guns are cool. But it takes people (and some machines) to make guns. And bombs. And tanks, planes, missile launchers, anchors, landmines, kevlar, nets and all other manner of 'war-related' merchandise. And without war, these people wouldn't have jobs. Lots of companies would have to shut down, families would be financially crippled, the economy would suffer and we'd all end up living in boxes, eating rats and stabbing each other for sweatsocks.
WAR = GOOD FOR THE ECONOMY (but not too much war)
8) Another spin off from 'Friends'. I barely tolerate the endless re-runs I have to endure on a nightly basis; the last thing I want crowding my precious TV time is another show about one of those idiots. 'Joey' wasn't funny, it was a one joke pony. We get it - he's dumb!! (but had a hot, slutty sister, so it's not all bad)
7) More social networking sites. Facebook, Bebo, MySpace rah rah rah. We get it - we're all internet geeks who are too afraid of loud noises, dark alleyways and ninjas to venture outside. Fine, I can deal with that. But everytime a new site reaches it's Apex of Coolness© we all scurry to it, like vermin to a spilt bottle of something that vermin like to drink.
I can't handle anymore changing... so stay put!
6) Kerry Katona. Enough said.
5) Arsenal winning anything (even the worthless Carling Cup). Enough said.
4) Er, I'd be quite happy to never see Ja Rule again. But by the same token, I don't like him enough to put him on the list.
3) I'm bored with this now. I'll rush through the rest.
2) Er, I don't want to see anymore coverage of Maddy McCann (unless it's pictures of her mum, naked, riding a sexy tiger)
1) I don't want to see people updating their status of Facebook without checking they've used correct grammar, prose and punctuation.
Feel free to email me and tell me things YOU don't want to see this year. I'll probably send you hate mail by return, but give it a shot!
Tae-Kwon-Do out!
Currently rated 4.5 by 2 people
- Currently 4.5/5 Stars.
- 1
- 2
- 3
- 4
- 5