However, I am less enthusiastic about bus journeys:
1) because I have been on a bus before (I hadn't been on a train until I got to the UK)
2) because the bus is cheaper, it attracts more scummy people, like the guy with no pants and scabby balls we saw on the 220 one day
3) because bus travel is free for Under 16's, it's always full of smelly school kids who smell and are horrible
I like to think of myself as a fairly upstanding member of society; I may speed in my car, or use foul language, or generally dislike Africans, but I always offer help to ladies and old people with suitcases up stairs and often hold the door for people.
But the one thing I would not EVER do is subject other passengers to the God-awful shit music that I listen to.
I realise not everyone likes Metallica, so when I listen to it, I use these things caled 'headphones.'
Headphones also known as earphones, earbuds, stereophones, headsets, or by the slang term cans (although I am not sure who uses this term, I ain't ever heard it).
Headphones allow the user to listen to music, without disturbing others - truly, a marvellous invention.
So, why is it then, when a group of snot-nosed litte punks get on the bus (and sometimes the Tube) they insist on blasting whatever speed garage hoo ha is popular that week?
These little cunts usually have semi-decent cellphones, which means that a pair of £3.99 headphones from Tesco shouldn't be too far out of their reach.
Hell, even if they nicked the cellphones, why couldn't they nick the headphones as well???
I have confronted these kids on more than one occasion; they have no balls and will usually wimper and shrink away. On the 70 home from Acton one night, this little black fucker tried to step to me, but soon realised I was about 1ft taller and clearly much tougher than him, so he put his hood over his head, pulled the drawstrings to we didn't have to see his ugly face, and quietly got off the bus. He was fuckin lucky too, as I had an empty bottle of Corona in my hand which would have very quickly found it's way into the side of his head.
Another time was on a rush hour tube to work in the morning - unfortunately, loads of kids used to get the tube to school, and one of them pulled out a phone and put on MC Hammer.
Now, MC Hammer is neither hip nor cool nor musically gifted, and it's torture listening to him. No one else in the carriage said a word, but I could see them all looking at these kids with a look of "I wish they'd turn that off" in their eyes. Being that they were school kids, I figured there was very little chance of getting stabbed, so I said "Do you mind turning that off?"
Miraculously, they did. So I went back to reading the paper, when about 2mins later I hear "...can't touch this..." so I look over again and say"What did I tell you?". They then proceeded to get off at the next stop, which was lucky for them, or else I would have given them a lesson they wouldn't get at any school; a lesson in pain.
I would like to think that kids in NZ would be a little more respectful, and I'll be sure to tell anyone I know NOT to play music out loud on the bus.
And next time any of you little pimply faced, chav looking, Croydon facelift having waste's of space gets on the bus or tube and think about putting on some 'music' (I use the term loosely), check I am not sitting across from you.
Because if I am, I will break your face.
And I am bigger than you, and I have much more experience at face-breaking, so you will lose.