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    Sexy Teacher Happy Funtime Experience Brigade!


    Posted on August 19, 2009 03:37 by MadMat

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/politics/lawandorder/6052205/Music-teacher-admits-secret-lesbian-affair-with-pupil.html

    Greetings friends, Roman's and fellow sexpests

    Above is a link to a story about an attractive teacher who had a lesbian affair with a pupil, aged 15. Awesome.

    Sadly, this awesome act of sexy lesbian action will not be looked upon fondly, and the poor teacher is likely to get 14 years in jail.

    It's rough, because she is clearly "teacher hot" (which is a classification given to teachers, who are hot, but perhaps not as hot as nurses, sexy librarians or nude models)

    Here she is:

     

    Music teacher Helen Goddard, nicknamed the jazz lady, admits lesbian relationship with pupil

     

    I, for one, would have loved to have this chick as my music teacher. Because she was a trumpet teacher, I could finally use all my puns about "blowing my trumpet" and they'd actually make sense and mean something!

    Sigh.

    My music teacher was a little troll of a lady, who smacked my knuckles with a ruler if I played the wrong note.

    And she gave lousy handjobs.

     

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    Words are Weapons


    Posted on July 30, 2009 09:57 by MadMat

    Today I enter into the realm of inventor with a new word I have just come up with.

    So, there I was, minding my own business, casually thinking about how stupid religion is, and how hot Emma Watson (aka Hermione Grainger from 'Harry Potter) is, when it hit me.

    It was a shoe, thrown by my arch nemesis Waldo the Great.

    But even more interesting was this; if you discriminate against someone based on race, you're a racist. Discriminate based on sex, and you're a sexist. I think if you do the same with age, you're an ageist. But what about religion?

    OK, so, you don't like the Jews, that makes you an anti-Semite.

    But what about if you hate the Christians and abhor the Muslims?

    So, I decided we need a word which applies when you discriminate against ALL faiths and religions.

    And that word is: RELIGILST

    Unlike the other -ist words above, we should be proud to be RELIGILIST. It shows intelligence, ability to reason and belief in science and fact, rather than conjecture and old wives tales.

    So, brother and sisters, rejoice - we can all be RELIGILISTS!!

    (P.S. Creationists are idiots)

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    Breaking Bones


    Posted on July 17, 2009 05:35 by MadMat

    Breaking news: The Pope has broken his right wrist.

    Vatican officials are saying The Pope is alright, but will be forced to wank off little boys with his less-favoured left hand.

    Senior Vatican Cardinal Alfonso "Hitler" Cardocci said (in a stereotypical Italian accent), "His Holiness, he donta lika to touch the small boys penis with hisa left hand. He finda he cannot get a gooda grip like he can with hisa right."

    Local children are said to be "rejoicing" as their small penis' are safe for 6-8 weeks.

    Local urchin Filtho Scabbo had this to say; "The Pope, he is always touching the street kids when he does his rounds through Roma. It makes me sad. My parents, they divorced because I was fiddled with by Il Papa."

    Child molestation cases are nothing new in the Catholic Church. To date, 445,000 priests, nuns, Cardinals, bishops and organ players have been charged with crimes against children, and victims have received over £125 trillion in "hugh money".
    Of course, the Catholic Church has plenty of money, because all their followers believe they can buy their way into Heaven by giving cash to the Church.

    This is completely wrong, because as everyone knows, the only way to get to Heaven is to have sex with your Mum.

     


    Look out kids, I am coming to touch you!

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    Maddox: A (Hateful) Ode to....


    Posted on July 2, 2009 09:12 by MadMat

    Congratulations, you've just found the world's best website; much better than that Maddox faggot, with all his self-depreciating humour and small penis.

    He might have the traffic, but he's too corporate now. He's even got his own comic book!
    Which is pretty awesome, I must admit. Hell, I even bought it!
    That fucker is profiting from my stupidity! Curses!

    Oh well, I live & learn.

    Maddox is so 'busy' these days with his 'life' that he has ignored the masses of internet retards for too long.
    I cannot promise I won't do the same, because I am very lazy and find typing a bore.

    So, Maddox is more popular than Pepsi?
    Maybe according to 'statistics'. But in reality, any idiot can make up statistics: 65% of all people aged 14-29 know that.

    I know which I would rather have on a warm summer's day, and it's not a tall frosty glass of a hairy, internet writer man.

    It seems Maddox shot to fame with his acerbic take on things; telling you things he hated and not caring if you agreed.
    Fair play, it seems like a solid angle, and I guess it hadn't really been done before.

    But I offer a new angle; I don't give a fuck if you even read this! In fact, I hope you don't read it, because then I can sleep easily with one hand on my balls, and the other on your Mum's head and she sucks my dick.

    That's right - I'm fucking your Mum.

    You can buy Maddox t-shirts, mugs (probably) and I assume he'll be releasing some kind of Maddox sex doll, which you can take home and fuck, and then have it spew insults about your performance. Mickey Mouse has less merchandise!

    Oh, and what the fuck is up with him thinking he's a pirate?
    Pirates are cool, yeah, but he's not!

    Now, before you go getting all high and mighty, and accusing me of being a Maddox ripoff or some shit, let me be clear:

    I HATE ALL THE SAME THINGS THAT MADDOX DOES, EXCEPT I HATE HIM AS WELL. AND I HATE MUSLIMS. AND CHRISTIANS. JEWS ARE OK.

    In summary, Maddox is a cock-smoker but he's probably richer than me, so well done.

    And if you read this and think 'Oh, I'm going to email Maddox about this', don't bother, because I think he has much more important people to talk to, like the guy who's going to produce that sex doll.

    L8rz!
    (fuckers)

     

     

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    Who the fuck is the UN?

    A bunch of yellow-bellied, PC, whiny little bitches it would seem.

    The below article is taken from the NZ Herald; here's the link to prove I'm not lying.
    I have added my thoughts on several issues raised in the article, you'll see these below.

    UN expresses concern about Tasers in NZ

    11:08AM Thursday May 21, 2009

    The United Nations Committee Against Torture says it is "deeply concerned" about New Zealand police adopting the Taser stun gun, as it releases a growing list of worries about this country's justice system.

    The committee has released its fifth report on New Zealand, which covers the period 2003 to 2007.

    While it approved some moves the repeal of Section 59 of the Crimes Act, which removed the defence of reasonable force for parents who physically punish their children, there was a longer list of concerns, including worries about the use of Tasers by police.

    The severe pain they caused could be seen as a form of torture and could even kill someone.
    MM: And? If you get tasered, chances are you were doing something that required the use of a taser! Don't want to get zapped? DON'T COMMIT THE CRIME!

    During the trial period the Taser was mainly used on Maori and youth, which was concerning, the committee said.
    MM: That's because it's Maori's and teenagers who are disobeying the law (obviously!)

    It was also concerned about the impartiality of the Independent Police Conduct Authority, which included current and former police officers.

    That could hamper investigations into allegations of acts of torture and ill-treatment by the police, the committee said.

    Green Party human rights spokesperson Keith Locke said the Government should take note of concerns raised about the use of the Taser.

    "New Zealand politicians should listen when a reputable UN committee says this 50,000-volt stun gun inflicts 'a form of torture' on its targets," Mr Locke said.

    Police had a "pretty easy ride" in introducing the Taser, with the authority ignoring concerns many had, Mr Locke said.

    "Prime Minister John Key needs to re-think his recent statements giving the green light to all front-line police having access to Tasers."

    Human rights lawyer Tony Ellis said the UN committee's 2004 report contained eight recommendations, but the latest contained 18.

    There were clear defects and given the large number of recommendations the Government needed to give serious consideration to address those, he said.

    Among the other concerns of the committee were:

    - a disproportionately high number of Maori and Pacific Islanders in prison, and in particular the number of women represented by those groups -- 60 per cent of the female prison population.
    MM: So, surely that just means it's Maori & Pacific Islanders who are committing the crimes? Does it mean we should lock up more white folk to even out the numbers? NO!
    Get a clue UN, you fucking retards.

    - Asylum seekers could be deported without detailed reason or revealing classified information.
    MM: Good, fuck them off back to their own countries

    - The low age of criminal responsibility.

    - Juvenile offenders were not systematically separated from adult offenders.

    - Insufficient numbers of prisons to cope with forecast growth, and also inadequate mental health facilities.

    - Allegations of cruel, inhuman and degrading treatment against children and patients in psychiatric hospitals were not being investigated and perpetrators not prosecuted.

    - New Zealand's Bill of Rights had no higher status than ordinary domestic legislation.

    So there you have it. The UN thinks it can come in here and start telling us what's what.

    Maybe we should all take a leaf from Homer Simpson and start making threatening references to the UN.....

    Cheeky Darkies.

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    God Probably Doesn't Exist


    Posted on May 19, 2009 08:42 by MadMat

    Religion is a disease.
    Faith is the symptom. 


    There is no fate but what we make ourselves.

    Being an atheist means having a healthy, independent mind and the ability to form rational thoughts.

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    Square Peg, Round Hole - How to Fit In


    Posted on May 19, 2009 08:25 by MadMat

    A guy I know posted this link on his Facebook page the other day, and it makes for interesting reading.

    For those of you afraid of 'links' I have CTRL+C and CTRL+V it below.

    Fears World Cup could alienate NZ's migrants

    4:00AM Friday May 15, 2009

    By Lincoln Tan

    Research into whether the 2011 Rugby World Cup could isolate New Zealand's migrant communities is being urged by an academic adviser to the tournament.

    But the suggestion has brought strong criticism from a Rugby Union board member.

    Geoff Dickson, associate director of the Tourism Research Institute at the Auckland University of Technology, said New Zealand should find ways to minimise the World Cup's divisive potential.

    He said the focal point for the country's successful bid - that the tournament would be played out before "a stadium of four million people" - was based on a "fairytale dream".

    Dr Dickson, who will be on the soon-to-be-launched World Cup research advisory board, said a large number of "new" New Zealanders were from non-rugby backgrounds "who couldn't care less about the game" - in particular, the growing number from countries such as China, India and Korea.

    Studies done during the last soccer World Cup in Germany showed that although the event gave rise to a sense of national pride among Germans, it also increased a sense of xenophobia.

     

    Dr Dickson said the Rugby World Cup could affect New Zealand in a similar way.

    "It is likely that the 'New Zealand equals rugby' message will become deafening by 2011, but the problem lies in that many new New Zealanders may struggle to get it or connect with rugby," he said.

    "So, by extension, the event may actually serve to reinforce or highlight differences, rather than bring communities closer together."

    Questions that Dr Dickson wants answered in the research include:

    Will the Rugby World Cup act as a "wedge" that isolates New Zealand's migrant, refugee and ethnic communities even further by reinforcing differences between them and the dominant groups within New Zealand?

    What programmes or initiatives should be developed to help these communities engage in the event whilst minimising its divisive potential?

    "It is important the conversations between and amongst the New Zealand sporting community, migrant support and advocacy groups and the academic community begin sooner rather than later," Dr Dickson said, "so that initiatives might be developed to increase the likelihood that a wide variety of New Zealanders are able to enjoy what promises to be a very exciting event."

    However, Ken Douglas, a New Zealand Rugby Union board member and deputy chairman of the Asia New Zealand Foundation, has slammed Dr Dickson's claim that rugby has a "divisive potential" as "plain bullshit".

    Mr Douglas disagreed that most new immigrants were unfamiliar with rugby, saying that even China had sent a team from its People's Liberation Army to New Zealand a few years ago.

    "Rugby is a world game that has been in Asia for many, many years, introduced by the British expatriate communities, and its popularity is also fuelled by the fact that it will likely be introduced as part of the Olympics within the next two Games."

    Mr Douglas believed the Rugby World Cup would bring people together at various levels and foster a stronger New Zealand spirit, rather than isolate communities.

    Massey University regional director Paul Spoonley, head of a major research project on the integration of immigrants, says his study covers their participation in sports in Auckland.

    He will release his findings next month.

    OK, so RUGBY, which is NZ's national game, who's team is known throughout the world, might cause a 'cultural wedge' between NZer's and 'new' NZer's?

    Anyone who would be offended by this should have read a fucking article about NZ before they migrated! I'm sure it would have gone something like this:

    New Zealand (Aotearoa to the Maori) is a country located in the South Pacific, approx 2000km south-east of the penal colony known as Australia.
    New Zealand is famous for many things such as Edmund Hillary, Lord of the Rings, kiwi's, Maori's and rugby. Rugby is a brilliant sport and is passionately followed by every red-blooded NZer throughout the world. The NZ national team, the All Blacks, are fucking awesome even though they tend to fail at World Cup time.
    If you don't like rugby, it's best to avoid NZ as anyone who doesn't like rugby will (probably) be viewed as some kind of Communist/Hippie/faggot.

    Simple.

    I moved to the UK a few years back, where football is arguably the biggest thing in the country.
    I admit, I wasn't a massive 'soccer' fan before I moved to the UK, although I did know the rules and followed Chelsea a bit.
    However, it's hard to escape football in the UK, so rather than whinge about it, I embraced it, and know rank football as my 2nd favourite sport (after rugby, and ahead of cricket).

    Not all people in the UK follow football, and it's fine if you don't. You'd be hard pressed to find people who feel 'alienated' because the don't follow football.

    The UK has heaps of immigrants too, and they're bidding for the Football World Cup in 2018 at the moment, and you don't hear them saying it might alienate the immigrant population.

    So, to sum up, stop worrying about these immigrants. If they don't like it, they can fuck off.
    If they do like it, they can stay; buy a black jersey, paint your face and bond with other NZer's over the love of our national team.
    (Plus, those immigrants driving taxi's, making kebab's and running dairy's will be greatful of the influx of drunken foreigners with cash to spend!)

     

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    Black Death - LOL!


    Posted on January 19, 2009 11:20 by MadMat

    So, I see in the papers today that some dirty terrorist wannabe's out there in Algeria or some shit have caught bubonic plague!

    I have one word to say to that.

    HA-HA.

    That'll teach you, you filthy camel-fucking, towel wearing, sand niggery cunts!
    Couldn't have happened to a nicer bunch of people.

    Supposedly, the conditions these titwank's live in are so slummy, that plague spread like wildfire.

    Probably didn't hurt that they no doubt butt fuck the shit (literally) out of each other before praying to Allah to save their souls.
    Shame muthafuckers, shame!

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    Quoted from a national newspaper:

    Anyone who has spent a chilly half-hour in London waiting for a double-decker bus may already have doubted the existence of a deity.
    But for those who need further proof, a nationwide advertising campaign in Britain, aimed at persuading more people to "come out" as atheists, has been launched with the backing of some of the country's most famous non-believers.

    The principal slogan — "There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life" — can already be seen on four London bus routes.

    Now 200 articulated buses in London and 600 others across the country are to carry the advert after a fund-raising drive that brought in more than £140,000 ($A288,000) far exceeded the original target of £5500.

    The money will pay for 1000 advertisements on the London Underground train network from Monday and ads on a pair of giant LCD screens opposite Bond Street subway train station in Oxford Street.

    Organisers unveiled quotes from public figures — including Albert Einstein, Douglas Adams and Katharine Hepburn — who have endorsed atheism, or at least expressed scepticism about any creator.

    The words "That it will never come again is what makes life so sweet" are quoted from the poet Emily Dickinson.

    At the launch in a marquee next to the Albert Memorial in west London, the television comedy writer Ariane Sherine, creator of the campaign, said: "You wait ages for an atheist bus and then 800 come along at once.

    "I hope they'll brighten people's days and make them smile on their way to work. This is a great day for freedom of speech in Britain. I am very glad that we live in a country where people have the freedom to believe in whatever they want."

    Joining Sherine were Richard Dawkins, author of The God Delusion, Hanne Stinson, from the British Humanist Association, the philosopher A. C. Grayling, and Graham Linehan, who wrote the television shows Father Ted, Black Books and The IT Crowd. There were messages of support from actor Stephen Fry, writer Charlie Brooker and noted Internet hooligan MadMat.
    "I am ecstatic", says MadMat, "it's about time buses became more than just places for filthy hobo's to take a shit!"

     

     

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    The Reason for the Season


    Posted on December 23, 2008 11:06 by MadMat

    Merry "fucking" Christmas you bunch of swine!Thats right - December 25th is right around the corner; that time of year when the Christian world celebrates the birth of that weird dude named Jebus.
    I am no Christian, nor am I Muslim, Buddhist or Jew. Although, if I had to pick one, Buddhism seems like the way to go. Don't do shit, just be nice to people and puppy dogs and trees?
    Easily done.


    But I have to thank our Pagan/Christian forefathers for Christmas, as it does seem a fitting way to end the year.
    So, whilst I couldn't give two fucks (well, maybe two) about Christ, God, Mary the Whore or a donkey in a manger, I am grateful for the day off!

    Which brings me to my next point: The Pope.

    What a cunt that guy is.I've been to Vatican City, it's alright.
    And there's a sweet pizza shop just down the road.

    Today, His Holiness Pope Anal Bandit XVII gave his end of year speech about several things.

    One of these topics was about the gays.Now, I am no bum-bandit. I don’t care if you’re an uphill gardener, a chocolate starfish farmer or a fudge packing gender bender.
    But whatever your sexual delights, unless its straight out normal cock and minge, then those scheming Catholics won’t have a bar of it.
    The Roman Catholic Church teaches that, while homosexuality is not sinful, homosexual acts are.
    So basically that means you can be gay, just don’t suck a dick, take it up the bum, hold hands or do any other typically gay stuff. I guess dressing up ip in mesh singlets and PVC pants is ok then, as that’s just bad fashion.

    So, Mr Pope, your views are quite clear.So why is it that so many of your bishops, cardinals and other “men of the faith” insist on touching, molesting, seducing, sodomising and generally fucking small boys?


    Hmmm, no answer to that eh?

    Strange how you don’t really hear about rabbis or whatever the Muslim equivalent is doing similar things to their followers. But then again, I suppose considering these religions (along with Hinduism and Buddhism) have been around for so much longer, they probably got it out of the way before the invention of the internet, or newspapers. Or maybe it’s because those religions are based on something a little more fundamental that a book which was supposedly written in like 40AD but only published in 400AD once the final version had been agreed upon? AGREED UPON?

    I can just see how that process went.

    “So, where do we put the part about being able to rape small boys? Before or after Jesus rises from his grave?”
    “Er, well, after I guess. Maybe somewhere near the end.”

    “Yeah, but hide it amongst some really boring passages, so no one actually takes notice. Then when we get caught fiddling with the altarboys, we can claim it’s in the Bible, therefore it MUST be true.”
    “Good idea, Father Sodomiser.”
    “Now, hide these scrolls near the Dead Sea. Lets face it –it’s not our best work. And take that Shroud that we painted and dump it somewhere near Turin. Those crazy Italians love a good mystery!”
    “Viva le France!”

    Yep, I am pretty sure that’s how it went down.

    So, to sum up:

    Raping boys – WRONG

    Being a Catholic – WRONG

    Being a Jew – OK

    See you in 09!

     

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